Anxiety or I have other stuff to do, but don't want to so I'm blogging

I have a problem with certain things that make me anxious. I don’t know if it is really called anxiety or irrational fear but I have decided that mine are minor compared to others. But, in an effort to just get it out there, I’ve decided that I will air the things that make me anxious so you can begin to understand me. I say begin, because I am a complex woman, and Ben will admit that he has barely tapped the surface. So, without further adieu:

1 - Nursing with a blanket over the baby’s head. I know a few of you are aware of this, but it truly makes me nervous because of my irrational fear of suffocating my baby. I just can’t do it. Period. If my nursing around you without a blanket makes you uncomfortable, deal with it.

2 - Making dinner while dirty dishes are in the sink. I am afraid that something on a dirty dish will touch my dinner and somehow contaminate it. Irrational? Yes, I am aware, but this explains why this last week, when I was swamped with school and getting ready to go out of town, we did not eat a dinner as a family at the table except the one night I bought Taco Bell and brought it home.

3 - Walking on the bathroom floor without shoes. I don’t think I need to go into detail about this, but even in my own home, I find my flip flops or slippers when I have to get up in the middle of the night. I’m fortunate that the little bathroom around the corner is so small, I can walk on the rugs and be o.k., but I know I wash those rugs regularly, so somehow I can do it.

4 – Mouth Noises. Please do not chew with your mouth open, smack your lips or do anything that causes a wet noise to come from your mouth. It is like fingers on a chalkboard to me and it gives me the willies. But, it’s more than that, I can’t sit still and I have a need to get away very quickly. This ranks right up there with my issue of sympathy puking and I can’t even talk about that.

5 – Excessive noise and chaos. I think this is why I don’t like concerts that much. I think loud noise makes people act weird, not themselves.  Here is a sample of excessive noise that happens regularly. It is 5pm and I am in the kitchen making dinner (the dishes must be clean, remember?). I have some music going on in the background, and a kid or two at the table finishing some homework. There is a teenager trying to tell me about their day while another is emptying the dishwasher. Another child comes running in the room to ask me a question that is so important, it cannot wait 5 minutes. Of course, it starts out something like, “Mom! Can I go to my friend’s house tomorrow?!?! Mom? Mom!! MOM!!!” Then, of course, the phone rings and someone is yelling, “Mom, it’s for you. Mom!! The phone is for you!!!” Pretty soon, the teenager who was talking to me has walked away in disgust, and I am yelling at everyone to be quiet or I will spontaneously combust. You know what happens at that point? Ben walks in the door.

6– Don’t invade my personal space. Many of you know that I am not an “affectionate” person. I’m not a big hugger, and I am definitely am not a kisser (except of my own little babies and Ben, on occasion:)  Ben is the same way though. He won’t even hold my hand at the grocery store, and most of the time I am ok with it, except when I am extremely hormonal and turn into “cat woman.” So, having said that, please do not break the bubble I have surrounding me that is called my personal space.

*On that note, please know that if I go to hug you for some reason or another, it is truly a genuine offer, and sometimes I am overwhelmed with the need to give a hug to someone other than my family and it is really hard for me.

I know…random.

What makes you anxious?