My Birthday Wish

My little Hornets team, along with our Pop Warner league has participated in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life fundraiser for many years now.  We want our team to know that there are things out there bigger than football.  My parents are survivors so this theme hits close to home for me.  The older I get, the more it hits home as I've watched cousins and friends pass away because of cancer.  Even more sad is watching the children suffer.

We held a football camp this week to raise money and a dinner tonight to conclude our efforts.  Our goal was $1000.  We raised just about $2500!!!  Yeah for us and everyone who helped.  The irony is that my best friend who catered the dinner for us found out yesterday that her mother has breast cancer, and it has already spread to her lungs and bones.  It is just wrong.  So, now I am more motivated than ever to do my small part in making sure we find a cure for cancer.

This year, my goal is to personally raise $400.  I dedicate my fundraising this year to Brian and Lanae, one friend and one cousin, who are both battling colon cancer at my age, and to Darcey's mom.  

My plea goes out to you,  my dear friends.  If I could get 100 friends go to my link and donate $4, I can reach my goal.  That's it.  Thanks.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11GW?px=4520483&pg=personal&fr_id=34097

Expectations

Rambling...I know there is more to this (I keep saying that about all my posts lately)

I am keenly aware that I have high expectations for my kids.  I think expecting a lot is not only important, but necessary in raising this generation of kids.  This goes for my 18 year old all the way down to my 1 year old.  I expect a lot.  But, I know that there are limits on what I can expect.  I don't expect that Vance is going to be able to earn all his mission money while he is going to school (but I still expect him to figure it out) and I know that my 1 year old is not going to be able to vacuum the family room…yet.  But, who in the world asks their two and a half year old to empty the dishwasher?  Me.  You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not.  She’s not actually on the chore chart, but emptying the dishwasher is NEVER my job, I hate it. 

I have big dreams, big plans, big ideas.  One of them is to have each of my children graduate high school with at least a college scholarship to cover tuition and books for their first two years.  I made that goal a few years ago when I went back to finish my degree at ASU.  I am paying for my schooling on loans, just like we did for most of Ben’s college (with help from the USAF).  It is expensive, let me tell you that.  I’m almost dreading graduation because I know I will only have 6 months before I have to start paying back all that money…for a degree that I don’t even want to ever have a job to use it for, but I digress.  I am intending to be the bad example for my kids of a college education done wrong…or badly.  All my kids will finish their Batchelors degree much younger than I will…all of them.

 

That’s just one of my goals.  My goals fall in all sorts of categories, spiritual, temporal, physical, etc.  But that isn’t the point.  The point is that my goals are huge and here is my theory.  Using my example of the scholarship, if my goal is not to pay one dime for any one of my kids first two years of college and I end up paying for let’s say two of my kids first years, wouldn’t you say that I’ve done pretty well considering?  Out of 8 kids? I’d say yes.  Now, what if my goal was just to get my kid to graduate from high school and not worry about what comes after?  They will probably all graduate, but I may end up paying for the tuition of all of them…some of them at the same time, I’ll go bankrupt.  This is a far worse scenario for me.  Maybe this is more of a discussion on perspective, hmmm.

My theory is that we should aim high, cause who knows how far we’ll get.  If I’m trying to reach the stars and I only get to the moon, haven’t I done pretty well?  I am still going to congratulate my child on a job well done, that’s for sure but  at the same time encouraging them to work just a little harder so they can reach the stars.  I can’t believe in mediocrity, maybe that is my real point.  I think it is better than aiming for the moon and being happy that I got there, although I realize there is something great in achieving our goals too.  I think the real importance is finding a balance.

One of my kids is a brainiac (well, all of them are smart, some just like it more than others).  She gets really good grades most of the time too, cause I expect nothing less than straight A’s on every report card, from every child.  But, has she let me down a few times?  Unfortunately, yes, but those have been the times that we have decided to take what happened, dissect it and come to a conclusion as to what the problem was, then come up with ways to correct the problem.  She has gotten a few B’s, and I think even a C once, but in the end, she has learned problem solving skills along the way that are turning her out to be a better student overall, and isn’t that really the goal?  (And, since her grades are usually weighted, she still carries a pretty good overall GPA, just thought I’d throw that in there).

 

So, should my two year old be expected to empty the dishwasher?  Absolutely.  Of course, she can’t put the glass plates up in the high cupboard, or the cups in the high cupboard, and the large glass serving dish is just too heavy for her, but she tries and I help her. And, when she figured out that if she put the little step stool right next to the silverware drawer and could empty all the spoons and forks by herself, you have to know that was a good day for me...and for her.  

Not High Maintenace = Me

I’ve never been much for following fashion trends, although I don’t remember ever sporting the grunge look or anything like that.  When I was a young newlywed, I remember Ben complaining to me about one of our friends and how she was so “high maintenance," meaning, she was late for everything cause it took her forever to get dressed, make-up on, she spent hours at the nail salon regularly, etc.  Well, if you know me at all, you will know that in some ways, I am an extremist, meaning, sometimes when I make a decision, I go to the extreme.   I had a friend who was a big movie watcher.  She would tell me about all these movies she saw and if it was really good, she would say, “it will change your life.”  Well, now if someone tells me that something (not just movies) will “change my life,” I refused to see it, buy it, think about it, or anything.  Why?  I have no idea, I'm just weird like that.  But in this case, I decided I would never want him to complain about me being “high maintenance” so I chose to be the lowest maintenance possible.  I am all about comfort anyway, so it seemed like a good plan.  The plan began to crumble early on.  I remember once, when I worked at a credit union (Vance was a baby), my supervisor told me I needed to dress a little nicer for work.  I was so embarrassed and actually relieved that I knew I was only going to work there a few more weeks because number one, I didn’t have any money to buy new clothes, and number 2, I wouldn’t know what to buy, and number 3, I hate to spend money on clothes for myself.  I don’t think of myself as beautiful on the outside, but I don’t think I’m a dog (that’s what we called ugly back in the 80’s.)  I’m really just a sweatpant and t-shirt kind of a gal, it’s what I’m comfortable in.

The second time it was apparent that I had a problem when we moved to Mesa in 2002.  The team mom, Darcey, was doing t-shirt orders and I wanted one so I told her I would take an extra large.  She argued with me and I told her I always wear extra large.  She ordered me a medium.  I only wore it a few times because I thought it was too small.  She told me it looked really good on me.  I wasn’t sure if I should believe her or not, but from then on I bought mediums and nobody ever said anything.

Our last move to QC, made me neighbors with Jana.  She has fashion sense with her eyes closed.  I look like…well, I don’t know what I look like next to her, I shudder at the thought.  Anyway, once we became good enough friends, she kindly let me know that I needed a makeover (and I loved her for it).  I obliged and for a while, I thought I was doing a pretty good job at looking nicer than my normal.  Of course, that only lasted a little while because then I got pregnant with Anny.  I love women showing off their big prego bellies, that is the one time in my life I feel  beautiful.  But, after she was born, I never quite got back to my cute, skinny clothes before I got pregnant with Derek.

Well, now Derek is over a year old and I still haven’t lost all the baby weight, so I am back to wearing my sweats, some sort of stretchy pants or jeans and large t-shirts to cover the bulges.   Getting back to my point though, I have reverted back to my low maintenance self.  I am just so comfortable here.  Someone made a comment the other night when I arrived at New Beginnings, where they encouraged us to wear a jersey or team apparel of some sort for the sports theme of the night and she said, “I wondered which team you would be sporting tonight”.  I still think it is funny, but just today, the realization hit me that others are truly aware of my “style” or lack thereof.  It isn’t just clothing, I don’t wear makeup very often, I tend to wear my hair very short because I don’t want to have to take the time to style it, and I wear very few accessories, etc.

So, what is my point?  I don't know if I even have a point except to vent, but I do need some serious shopping therapy (and some money to pay for said therapy.)   I want to look good and in turn, feel better about the way I look.  I never want to be “high maintenance” and I’m certainly not saying that anyone that looks good is high maintenance either, I just want to find the balance for me.   I also think it affects the way others treat me.  I think I give off a "don't make a fuss over me" type of attitude.  While this holds true, I think as I age, I am starting to regret my decision from so long ago. I've wasted so many years...There’s more to this post, but I’m not ready to go there yet…look for it when I write my book.  But watch out, I'm about to make some personal changes.

Why I send my kids to Combs

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be critical of anyone who sends their children somewhere other than their neighborhood school.  I truly mean it when I say I don’t care where you send your children because it only shows that you truly care about them and their education, and I can only make decisions on what works best for my family. My fear of having anyone think that I think less of them for switching schools is the reason I have not posted this for a long, long, long time...

When I was born, my mom offered me baby formula from a bottle.  She continued with formula feeding for her first three kids.  That was good and fine until #4 arrived.  My brother was allergic to every brand of formula she tried.  The pediatrician suggested she try breastfeeding and so she did.  Turns out, she didn’t mind it so much and so that was how she fed the last three.  So, half of us were formula fed and the other half were breastfed.  Which one was the better choice? 

I am pro-public school system, (just like I am pro breastfeeding).  I think kids ought to go to the public school they are assigned to, with very few exceptions to that rule.  Why?  Because there is more to going to school than just the secular education they receive.  There are so many life lessons to be learned if we will just look for them.

I have weighed the pros and cons about Combs High School and its feeder schools, and I even sent my oldest son to Queen Creek before we had a high school here.  I know that no matter what, at the end of the day, I feel good about sending my kids to Combs.  Certainly I have had my share of frustrations, but I have also had way more moments of happiness and joy than those few moments could ever destroy.  Here are just a few of the areas I am involved in and can share my opinion about.

Academics is the main topic that people bring up (and it should be, as this is the main reason we send them there, right?).  It has been the rumor that Combs school district was for the dumb kids, or the “easy” school.  I only know from my experience, that my children are receiving the best education available.  Starting in the middle school, they are offered a variety of choices from remedial classes to Advanced Placement. Marly entered her freshman year with a whole year of math credit and finished the year with 3 college history credits.  But, my kids aren’t perfect students, sometimes I have to take phone calls from teachers, or go to a parent teacher conference and hear that my child isn’t doing as well as I would hope.  Whose fault is that?  There have been many opportunities where I have had to sit back and remind myself who is responsible for my child’s education?  Me, or the school?  It is my responsibility to make sure my child does their homework, it is my responsibility to allow my child to suffer the consequences of poor grades if I have to, and it is my responsibility (along with my child’s) to figure out how to make it work.  Have I had a teacher that I disagreed with?  Of course, but I am of the opinion that in the majority of those cases, it was a matter of teaching my child how to work out the problem and come to a reasonable conclusion rather than switching teachers or schools.   I just wonder what I would be teaching my child if I didn’t give it a fair shake before giving up altogether.  That isn’t to say that there aren’t exceptions to that rule and I know that there are.  In general, I think we rely on our teachers too heavily to take all of the responsibility for our child’s education, instead of using them as the resource that they are.  Blaming the teacher/coach is sometimes easier than accepting responsibility ourselves.

I am of the opinion that if my child is going to play in the NFL, MLB, NBA or go to the Olympics, it will be in spite of their lack of training through high school.  We made the choice a long time ago to have our children play a variety of sports throughout the year so as to not burn them out on one sport and offering them opportunities to try new things.  I don’t have a lot of money to spend on club teams to give my kid that extra “edge,” nor do I think it is necessary to be on a star team in order to be recognized by college recruiters.  Does it help?  Of course, but I can’t choose my child’s school based on athletic performance by my child, or the school.   I do like that my children have the opportunity to be a star in their own right, for their own school, among their peers.  Our school is small now, which allows for more opportunities to shine.  Is this false recognition?  I don’t know.  I am a realist, my kids know their worth not because they wear a varsity letter jacket.  I also think that this is where the community comes in.  I am a believer in the life lessons that sports can offer, win or lose.  I have gotten to know the kids in my neighborhood just because I went to a ball game at the school and watched them play.  The next time I saw them on the street, I was able to strike up a conversation.  They know me, they trust me, I hope they will respect me, because I took the time to cheer for them.  It’s my hope that we will bring our community together this way.  We had a lot of success at our football games this season,  with tailgate parties, junior cheerleaders, recognizing elementary school fundraisers, etc.  I thoroughly enjoyed the community spirit we had and the relationships we have made since then.

Another concern I have heard, was that of the “atmosphere” on campus.  We certainly should be concerned about drugs, alcohol, foul language, abusive behavior, and so on.  But first, we should be more concerned about teaching our children to say away from those things, so no matter where they go, they will know how to avoid them.  I wondered about this problem last year after hearing several parents complain, so I went to the head of security for Queen Creek and the head of security for Combs (I knew them both personally).  They communicate with each other on occasion, and know basically what is going on with each school as far as security goes.  Both people told me that what is found on one campus is found on the other campus, very little difference.  When my kids come home from school and start sharing the events of their day, it is moments like this when I have to reinforce what my kids have always been taught.  Stay away from  the bad stuff, and there is bad stuff no matter where you go.  Do your best to choose good friends, participate in wholesome activities, and be kind to everyone you meet.  So far, there hasn’t been a problem (but I've only had two in high school so far).

 

I am a great fan of the band program at Combs.  The middle school band director, along with the elementary school teachers and Mr. Werner, have taken our little struggling program and made it top notch.  Have you seen them perform?  This is one area where I can say Combs is by far the better program compared to QC. In only its second year, we are already double the size of QC.  I can only mention the orchestra and choirs from what I have seen at their concerts, and they are fabulous as well.  We are blessed in that aspect.

Lastly, for my LDS friends, is the subject of seminary.  5:50 is very early in the morning to start the day, but what greater place to do it?  I heard that there were families choosing to send their kids elsewhere because of the lack of release time.  Are you kidding me?  What a greater opportunity to teach our children to sacrifice for a worthy cause?  Is it hard?  Certainly.  Is it worth it?  More than we can even comprehend.  If you are sending your child somewhere else because you want release time, don’t they end up taking an 0 hour anyway?  This one doesn’t make sense to me to even argue about.  I’ll leave it at that.

What does this have with breastfeeding vs. formula feeding?   Only you can be responsible for how well your child does, no matter where you choose to send them.  

Your kids will be great because of YOU.  I truly believe that.

I’m super excited for the 8^th grade class coming up.  That is a group of kids who are smart, athletic, determined, and totally capable of being the class that is responsible for pushing Combs to the outer edges of excellence…together, if given the chance.   

Day Seven - Grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ.

  

Through Him, I have the blessing of the atonement and can be forgiven of my sins.

So, every day I do my best to be worthy of His example and His sacrifice for me.

Day Six - I am grateful for modern medicine

This one seems like it needs no explanation, but it is my blog and you will get the rundown of all our medical "ailments" over the years so you can understand my appreciation for modern medicine and medical insurance.

While getting pregnant isn't hard for me (obviously), getting them out is a little more tricky.  I have had to be induced with all but one of them, even though my water broke 4 of the 8 times which is what sent my to the hospital initially.  I am grateful for epidurals (even though my last one was less than ideal).  I am able to enjoy the delivery more fully, then enjoy the baby in my arms more fully.

I also shattered my ankle a few years ago and had to have pins and screws place in there to put it back together.  A year later, I had them removed because they really bothered me.  So grateful to a fabulous orthopedic doctor who literally got me back on my feet fairly quickly.

Vance had an emergency appendectomy when he was 11 or so.  I'm so grateful they could treat him so quickly before things could have gone really bad.

Marly had recurrent bladder/UTIs when she was little.  This led to a hospital stay with febrile seizures at one point.  She has worn glasses since she was 3 to correct a vision problem that the first doctor said would require surgery.  Thank heavens for second opinions.  Then, when she was about 7, she developed a seizure disorder.  She didn't suffer too badly the first year, but after a while, that medicine stopped working so well.  A week in the  hospital with seizures every 20-30 minutes found us trying two different medicines together to finally get them stopped.  To make a long story short, January 31st is seizure free day at our house and she has also been medicine free for four years and no seizures!!

Drew has had his share of broken bones.  When he was 2, he broke his femur.  I am grateful for an orthopedic Dr. who loved him back to health even though it meant re-breaking his femur bone twice to make sure it ultimately healed properly.  A year later, he broke his tib and fib in the other leg.  Years later, a heavy door slammed on a finger in Tucson and about 10 days later, we finally went to the Dr. to find out that he had broken it and got a bone infection, that was scary.  He broke his thumb (?) playing football once.  I'm sure there are others, but broken bones seems to be his lot in life.

As crazy and reckless as Skylar is, I'm amazed that the worst of his problems was a battle with RSV when he was small.  We didn't have insurance and bless our Dr., she made me come visit her at her office every single day and only charged me for every other visit while we got him well.  That was a long two weeks.  He suffered from asthma when he was small, but quickly grew out of it.

Katy was born on a Friday and by Sunday, she started with a funny twitch that quickly spread to her whole right side of her body.  She was nursing fine, she was happy, alert, etc.  so I called my Dr. office and explained the situation.  They said that as long as she was fine, just to bring her in first thing in the a.m., but if her symptoms changed, to take her to the ER immediately.  That was a long night.  At the Dr. office, he examined her (it had stopped by then) and then placed a call to a neurologist friend.  He sent us out for breakfast but asked me to please keep my cell phone handy if he needed to call me.  As mom and I pulled into a restaurant for breakfast, he called and said that the NICU at the hospital was waiting for us to show up with her.  Turns out, she had had a small stroke which resulted in the small seizures she had presented with the day before.  About six weeks later, she was hospitalized for RSV.  She spent ten days there fighting for every breath she could get.  I was with her around the clock, trying to nurse her and nourish her the best way I could. I didn't think I would bring her home from that hospital.  She has been healthy ever since.

Tawny, Anny, and Derek have all been healthy (knock on wood) and have required no major medical intervention.  But I know it is coming and I will be grateful for modern medicine and medical insurance.

Day Five - Grateful that Ben works from home

The first time Ben worked from home for any given period of time was when Drew was 2 and he broke his femur.  I was huge pregnant and could not carry a two year old in a body cast.  Ben was actually a consultant at the time and he was working in California. The company he worked for shipped his computer to AZ, we got a second phone line and they allowed him to work from home until Drew got out of his cast.  I remember a lady at work telling me that it was going to seem great for a few weeks, but then I would hate it.  I didn't understand her statement then and I still don't understand it now.  I was so grateful that Ben was home to help me move Drew from his bed to the family room every morning, put him on my lap so he could sit at the table to eat his lunch, then carry him to bed for his nap, etc.  I can't even tell you how nice it was that the could help get Drew to his weekly Dr. appts.   It was nice to not need someone to come in and help me take care of my own child, especially since each task I needed him to do took about 3 minutes, but it was all day long.

So, here we are at the present time.  Ben has worked from home on and off for the last 9 years or so.  Some bosses are better at allowing it than others.  I LOVE the boss he has now.  He does all his meetings over the phone and when he needs us to be quiet, he just shuts the door.  He can come out of his "office" to ask me things and he lets me run to the store while the babies are asleep.  He doesn't waste 45 minutes of his day each way, driving to the office, so he gets to spend more time with us.  He takes time out to each lunch with me, and he makes the best breakfasts.  He rarely misses an activity that the kids are in, he just gets up early and starts working so he can either take a long lunch, or be done earlier.  I love it.