Expectations

Rambling...I know there is more to this (I keep saying that about all my posts lately)

I am keenly aware that I have high expectations for my kids.  I think expecting a lot is not only important, but necessary in raising this generation of kids.  This goes for my 18 year old all the way down to my 1 year old.  I expect a lot.  But, I know that there are limits on what I can expect.  I don't expect that Vance is going to be able to earn all his mission money while he is going to school (but I still expect him to figure it out) and I know that my 1 year old is not going to be able to vacuum the family room…yet.  But, who in the world asks their two and a half year old to empty the dishwasher?  Me.  You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not.  She’s not actually on the chore chart, but emptying the dishwasher is NEVER my job, I hate it. 

I have big dreams, big plans, big ideas.  One of them is to have each of my children graduate high school with at least a college scholarship to cover tuition and books for their first two years.  I made that goal a few years ago when I went back to finish my degree at ASU.  I am paying for my schooling on loans, just like we did for most of Ben’s college (with help from the USAF).  It is expensive, let me tell you that.  I’m almost dreading graduation because I know I will only have 6 months before I have to start paying back all that money…for a degree that I don’t even want to ever have a job to use it for, but I digress.  I am intending to be the bad example for my kids of a college education done wrong…or badly.  All my kids will finish their Batchelors degree much younger than I will…all of them.

 

That’s just one of my goals.  My goals fall in all sorts of categories, spiritual, temporal, physical, etc.  But that isn’t the point.  The point is that my goals are huge and here is my theory.  Using my example of the scholarship, if my goal is not to pay one dime for any one of my kids first two years of college and I end up paying for let’s say two of my kids first years, wouldn’t you say that I’ve done pretty well considering?  Out of 8 kids? I’d say yes.  Now, what if my goal was just to get my kid to graduate from high school and not worry about what comes after?  They will probably all graduate, but I may end up paying for the tuition of all of them…some of them at the same time, I’ll go bankrupt.  This is a far worse scenario for me.  Maybe this is more of a discussion on perspective, hmmm.

My theory is that we should aim high, cause who knows how far we’ll get.  If I’m trying to reach the stars and I only get to the moon, haven’t I done pretty well?  I am still going to congratulate my child on a job well done, that’s for sure but  at the same time encouraging them to work just a little harder so they can reach the stars.  I can’t believe in mediocrity, maybe that is my real point.  I think it is better than aiming for the moon and being happy that I got there, although I realize there is something great in achieving our goals too.  I think the real importance is finding a balance.

One of my kids is a brainiac (well, all of them are smart, some just like it more than others).  She gets really good grades most of the time too, cause I expect nothing less than straight A’s on every report card, from every child.  But, has she let me down a few times?  Unfortunately, yes, but those have been the times that we have decided to take what happened, dissect it and come to a conclusion as to what the problem was, then come up with ways to correct the problem.  She has gotten a few B’s, and I think even a C once, but in the end, she has learned problem solving skills along the way that are turning her out to be a better student overall, and isn’t that really the goal?  (And, since her grades are usually weighted, she still carries a pretty good overall GPA, just thought I’d throw that in there).

 

So, should my two year old be expected to empty the dishwasher?  Absolutely.  Of course, she can’t put the glass plates up in the high cupboard, or the cups in the high cupboard, and the large glass serving dish is just too heavy for her, but she tries and I help her. And, when she figured out that if she put the little step stool right next to the silverware drawer and could empty all the spoons and forks by herself, you have to know that was a good day for me...and for her.