I am not sure I'm ready to be the mother of eight!

Well, here is the post I’ve been procrastinating for about a month.

We Are Pregnant!

(and when I say we, believe me, it affects everyone in this house)

It has taken me some time to come to terms with it and here are my reasons why:

1. I don’t feel like the stereotypical mother of 7, let alone the soon to be mother of 8. What is the stereotype you ask? I don’t home school my kids, my house isn’t always dirty (just sometimes), we don’t eat granola everyday, and I don’t feel like I’ve let myself go to the point that I don’t care anymore (I have worn t-shirts and sweats my whole life). Having said that, I don’t know any moms of that many kids who fit the stereotype, so I don’t know why I think that. And, I know quite a few moms who have more than 7 children, so what is my hangup? It’s all in my head, I guess.

2. I know I said that I was most likely done when I had Anny. Those of you who know me, might have wondered at the truth of that statement because some of you haven’t been surprised at the news. I think the truth is that I have such a hard time the first few months that I tried to talk myself out of being pregnant again. I always knew there was one more.

3. I have a son who is ready to start his senior year and a daughter who will be a freshman in high school. I sometimes fear that my older children don’t get the attention they deserve. Having said that, I don’t make my kids work during the school year which requires me to pay for everything they want to do from prom to gas money, to sports, to movies. I volunteer at the high school as often as I can, this is something I don’t do as often when they are little. I attend EVERY function I possibly can, even if I think they are a waste of my time. I rely on them a lot for running errands and babysitting. I never want them to feel like they are the “other parents” to their younger siblings. Whether they know it or not, I struggle with this everytime I ask them to babysit.

4. I had a stake president tell me that he was thinking about my future (he knew me super well) and he saw me and my husband serving a mission and he saw my little girls with us. Well, when I had Katy and Tawny, I thought they were those little girls. When I had Anny, I had to assume it was Tawny and Anny. Now that I’m pregnant again, I have to assume it is a girl, but what if it isn’t? What if I have a boy? I am embarrassed to say that I worry about it. It isn’t that I wouldn’t welcome a boy, I just have it in my head that my last kids are all going to be girls. Maybe my son was there, he just didn’t see him.

5. I never want to be at the point where I rely on others to help me take care of my family. I rarely ask for help from extended family, meaning, I have even paid one of the YW in the ward to watch my kids when I needed it, instead of asking family members. I sometimes worry that the more kids I have, the more “needy” I become. Again, I think it is all in my head because I hardly see myself as “needy.”

6. I also worry that I don’t have time to do the things that I really want to do. I don’t make it to the temple as often as I’d like (nursing baby or sickness), I require a lot of sleep, which means I’m not so great at getting our kids up for prayers or scripture study when it isn’t a school day, and I feel like I am never going to finish my college degree I started 20 years ago. But, I am trying.

I’m glad I got that out. I have two requests of you now: 1 - No comments on this post, I don’t know how to turn that feature off. And 2 - I gave away all my maternity clothes a year ago and I am looking to recycle your cast offs. I don’t need them super soon, but have you seen my belly? My body knows what it means to be pregnant…quickly. I promise to take good care of them and if you put your name on the tag, I will return them to you when I am done. If you don’t want them back, I will pay it forward to someone who can use them. I wear M-L 8-10. Thanks for your support.