Finding Joy

I am unprepared for the task that has been given me this coming Sunday, to express to the YW in our ward about the joy I find in womanhood. I have to admit, I've been having a pity party for, let's say...a year. While a part of me knew there was one more to add to our family, the reality of it hit me hard, like a good swift kick in the rear. Don't get me wrong, I never wished that she wasn't coming, I just wish that being a mom wasn't so hard. I just wish that for once in my marriage (besides the first four months of our marriage), I didn't have to be pregnant, nursing, or have little kids at home so I could finally start living my own life. So, in my most recent post on my ANWA blog, I started mentioning some of the joy in my life. I didn't get to go into much detail, and since this is like my journal, bear with me. I'll just start listing them.

1. Have you seen how cute my baby is? She is freakishly happy ALL THE TIME! She has also slept through the night since she came home. How much more joy could a mom ask for?

2. Have you met my other kids? While I know better than the rest of you, that they aren't perfect, they are pretty darn close. Grades, manners, good looks, athletic, they've got it goin on! I might have passed on some sort of over-achiever genetic trait and sometimes it is good and sometimes it kicks me in the butt. You think I'm busy? It's really all my kids that keep me that way.

3. Hello? Husband. Need I say more? I fell in love with him just over 20 years ago and he still sends chills down my spine when he walks through the door. Sorry Babe, if I don't show it lately, hormones are still out of whack from producing and nourishing your offspring.

4. Ben works so I don't have to. Well, outside of the home that is. I get to write for the newspaper that I love to read, and I have some serious prospects for writing adventures in the very near future. And, I have a really cool blog to write in.

5. I am finally back in school. I love to learn. I love my writing classes especially. I also love free classes through BYU. Awesome. Drew wrote me a note two weeks ago as part of his Duty to God, I think. It said, among other things, "...Thanks for setting the example and showing me the importance of getting an education, I love you!" And, even though it is hard, I'm still straight A's. I got a letter from the Dean's Office, congratulating me on my grades. (Enclosed was a certificate suitable for framing:)

6. While my house is usually cluttered (there IS a difference between dirty and cluttered), I have a place to live that is mine (with the bank). We have more than enough room for the 9 of us, and two kids still have their own rooms. I love my old furniture, my new furniture, and I especially love my internet connection and my lime green laptop. My kids do their chores most of the time, and I'm not embarrassed anymore if someone drops in.

7. I have joy that Heavenly Father has trusted me with so many little spirits. I know he listens to me, I know he answers me, I know he loves me.

8. I know that while I have challenges, like everyone, mine are meant for me, and me alone. What is hard for me, might be easy for you. What is easy for me, might be hard for you. I get that.

9. I have wonderful friends and family that support me and love me, even if they don't like me sometimes cause I'm a pscyhotic, bossy, over achiever, who doesn't like to shop.

10. I am a citizen of the United States, and in that joy, there is freedom.

11. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and in that joy, there is even more freedom.

I know there is more, but that about covers it.